It's a boy!

I have never been so happy in my life to be proven wrong! WE GOT OUR REFERRAL TODAY! We are still reeling from the news (in the best possible way) and trying to wrap our minds around this beautiful little boy that is our SON! We have a healthy one year old boy waiting for us in Ethiopia! More details to come...

PS- Who else is laughing at the post I wrote earlier today?

-kate-

Nine months and an update

Nine months. It brings tears to my eyes to even have to write that we've been waiting this long. And unfortunately, there is no end in sight. There are several reasons for the slow down and I will attempt to explain why in as few words as possible. The biggest factor, at least in our understanding, is that the Ethiopian court system is investigating all current cases where the child was abandoned. While the investigation is going on, no families with a referral for an abandoned child are passing court. Our agency has told us that approximately 25% of the children they work with were abandoned. Our agency doesn't just match up a child with the next family in line. They are prayerful about their matches and are now in a very difficult situation. We don't know this for a fact, but I have a feeling that part of the hold up is that the next few families in line for referrals were perhaps abandonment cases and the agency is trying to figure out what to do with these kids and the families. Wait it out? No one knows how long this investigation is going to last. Match a child with a different family? I do not envy the people working on our behalf in Ethiopia right now. They are faced with a difficult situation. I am so thankful that the Ethiopian courts are doing all they can to get rid of corruption in their adoption process, but it's hard to be on the other side of it just waiting.

Our agency has also had other issues the last few weeks that have made it impossible for families to pass court it seems. One judge will accept a particular paper this way, another judge won't. One judge allows something to be done one way and another says no. It's hard to keep up with! Again, I don't envy our agency's staff and all they have to deal with.

So what does all of this mean for us? We don't know. We just know we don't have our referral yet. The other piece of this that I haven't mentioned yet is that the Ethiopian courts will close entirely for the months of August and September. Referrals will still be given out, but we will obviously not have a court date during that time. That means that unless we get a referral in the next week or so (which is highly unlikely!), we will not be able to have a court date til October. We wouldn't travel until November then. Ugh. I hate even writing that out. Now I find myself hoping that we don't get our referral for a few more months. It's one thing to be longing for and hoping for our baby and wishing he were with us. It's another thing entirely to have a face and a name and to know details about him and to know all the things we're missing out on. My heart hurts just thinking about it. I think longing for the unknown will be easier then missing the known.

And we're sad, disappointed, frustrated. When we submitted our paperwork nine months ago we never in a million years thought that the court closures would delay us. We thought we'd be home and worrying about attachment issues and sleep deprivation. But we're not. This is the reality of where we are and I'm slowly accepting it. I don't like it and it makes me unbelievably sad, but being sad doesn't negate my trust in God. I still believe that His timing is perfect and that He is working all of this out in the way only He can. But right now in the midst of it, I feel a heaviness like none I've ever known. Knowing our baby is out there and waiting for us but we can't get to him because of bureaucracy is...painful. Not having any answers as to when all of this might change is frustrating. But this is international adoption and we knew there would be bumps on the road. We knew that delays, and court closures, and vacillating judges were all part of the equation. Perhaps we were just too naive to believe they would effect us.

Nine months. It's been a pretty easy ride for the most part. Maybe all that peace we've had for the last eight months was to prepare us for the lack of peace we feel now. So we might not have any answers to the questions that swirl around in our minds, but we know a few things. God is always good. He's always working things out for our good. He has a plan and a purpose for us and for our family. And He's always good.

Always.

-kate-

Another month gone by...

April came and went with no referral for our family. We were so hopeful at the end of March because there had been so many referrals; we thought for sure April was our month. It wasn't. And on Wednesday, what marked our eighth month of waiting I was not okay with this. I was frustrated and upset and getting way ahead of myself by making trouble out of situations that don't even exist. Thankfully, we've been out of town and haven't had much internet access. If we had, the post I would have written on Wednesday wouldn't have been a good one.

But today is Saturday and I'm feeling hopeful that this waiting will soon come to end. I'm hopeful that this longing for my baby will soon me matched to a face.

So will May be our month? Only the Lord knows, but tonight I'm hopeful because I know it's in His hands.

s.e.v.e.n

Seven months have passed since we sent off that fat stack of papers to Ethiopia. I honestly can't believe it. We have steadily moved up the list in waiting for our referral with our agency giving out 20 referrals in March! That is amazing! We are hopeful that April is going to be our month.

On Friday there was a great deal of activity with the families of America World and seeing our names move up the list hit me hard; like freaking out! I felt such a wave of excitement that was more intense then anything I've experienced thus far. I truly believe that the Lord has been protecting my heart and mind through this journey and helped me to just be in the moment with our family now, while hoping for the days to come. But that really changed for me on Friday. I am feeling the weight of what's to come in a whole new way. I am excited, scared, overwhelmed, hopeful, and eager. It's a wonderful place to be and I praise the Lord that He's waited til this point in our journey to let me experience all of this. I couldn't have handled feeling like this for the last 7 months!

And now for a few details...we are really hopeful that we'll receive our referral by this time next month. Once we accept our referral we will have a court date set which will be approximately 2 months later (June perhaps) and we will travel a few weeks after we pass court. We have already begun praying that we will pass court our first time around and would ask you to do the same. Our best guess is that we will travel in July to bring that baby home. We are eagerly awaiting that day!

-kate-

Six months and five pairs of shoes

We have been DTE for six months. Six months! When we submitted our dossier the wait time was 5-7 months so we seriously thought that we could have our referral by now. But we don't; and we're okay with that. As it stands right now, our best guess is that we are somewhere in the early teens on the boy wait list and in the later teens for a girl. Honestly there is no way of knowing how it will all work out. We are continually having to rest in the promise that the Lord is in control and knows exactly where our baby is and when we will be together. Easier said then done some days!

I was thrown for a bit of a loop this week when, for the first time in my knowledge, a family who had requested an infant of either gender got a girl referral! That hasn't happened in our agency before! I was blown away that this happened and started to wonder if that could happen to us. I don't think it will, but if it did then who would wear these sweet little shoes I've been accumulating? I resisted buying anything for our baby for so long, but the last two months have found the pull too strong (and the deals too good!). And that's why there are five little shoes lined up in his closet waiting for him. Waiting for little brown feet to fill them. Ready to carry chubby legs around as his big sister chases him from room to room.

We're ready to see his face, ready to hug and kiss his cheeks, ready to make him part of us, forever. We're ready to be a family of four. But it's not time yet. Soon, but not yet.

Lord, give us patience and fill us with joy as we wait!

-kate-

5 months down, a few more to go (?)

It's hard to believe that five months have gone by since we sent our paperwork in. How time flies over the holidays. We've been busy with family gatherings - for Christmas in Nashville, and here at our house this month for all of the January birthdays (and Kate's big 30th). We've been a bit down and out with a couple of rounds of illness. Between a stomach bug and recurring colds we're ready for a break. The weather has been cold and snowy of late. About five inches of snow and a quarter inch of ice greeted us yesterday morning and Cale has enjoyed yesterday and today at home after work was closed due to the weather. I just looked up the weather in Addis Ababa and it's in the mid 60s today. I learned that the weather is pretty fair and relatively steady year round there; quite different from here in Ohio with our seasonal swings. I also just learned, and it came as a I surprise to me, that the elevation of Addis Ababa is over 7,700 feet above sea level! Anyway...

We're getting excited as we realize that each days brings up closer to the day when we leave to go to Ethiopia to bring home our boy! We expect that we're over halfway done with the wait and as the time grows shorter our hearts yearn to have him with us. Hopefully soon!

-- cale

Christmas thoughts and almost 4 months down

Almost two months between posts is a *bit* longer then we planned. But honestly that's a good sign from my point of view. Two more months of waiting is done and it has flown by! Here we are a few short days away from being officially 4 months into our wait and something exciting has happened. Well, it was exciting to this mama's heart at least! The bedding that I have been eyeing for months for the baby's room finally went on clearance at Target! So we made a happy trek to Target amongst all the last minute Christmas shoppers and finally bought it. We were able to get many of the coordinating pieces because everything was 50% off. This was a big deal to me because there is so little I can be doing right now to practically prepare for him. And I'm a planner, an organizer... I like to be ready for whatever's going to come, whenever it decides to show up. I don't know how old he's going to be when he finally comes home or how big he'll be so buying clothes is not a smart option. (Now I may or may not have bought a few pairs of shoes, but I figure he'll need them at some point!) So being able to buy this bedding for him was a wonderful moment for me. It makes him real, tangible; it makes me feel connected to him because I'm doing something to prepare for his arrival. I need to be able to do that from time to time because this waiting can get old.

Our sweet boy, wherever he is, has been on my mind a great deal this Christmas season. It's so strange to not know if he's even been born yet; is this his first Christmas? Or will it be here with us next year? Regardless, he is on my mind A LOT. The Lord, in His infinite graciousness, allows that longing for my baby to come in small doses. I don't think I could handle it otherwise!

Christmas has also found me remembering that while we celebrate that He came as a baby, what I really need to focus on is that He's Coming Again! May I long for His return more then anything else!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

-kate-